sit yourself down
and meet the best
innkeeper in town.
As for the rest,
all of them crooks
rooking the guests
and cooking the books.
Seldom do you see
honest men like me.
A gent of good intent
who's content to be
Master of the House
Doling out the charm
ready with a handshake
and an open palm
tells a saucy tale
makes a little stir
customers appreciate a bon-viveur!
Glad to do my friends a favor
doesn't cost me to be nice
but nothing gets you nothing
everything has got a little price!
Master of the house
keeper of the zoo
ready to relieve 'em
of a sou, or two
watering the wine
making up the weight
pickin' up their knick-knacks
when they can't see straight
everybody loves a landlord
everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Don't I bleed 'em in the end!
Master of the house
quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passer-by
to pass him by.
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher
and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone.
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin yer to the bone!
Enter, M'sieur
Lay down yer load
unlace yer boots
and rest from the road.
This weighs a ton
travel's a curse
but here we strive
to lighten your purse.
Here the goose is cooked
here the fat is fried
and nothing's overlooked
till I'm satisfied....
Food beyond compare
food beyond belief
mix it in a mincer
and pretend it's beef.
Kidney of a horse
liver of a cat
filling up the sausages
with this and that!
Residents are more then welcome
bridal suite is occupied!
Reasonable charges
plus some little extras on the side!
Charge 'em for the lice
extra for the mice
two per cent for looking in the mirror twice!
Here a little slice
there a little cut
three per cent for sleeping with the window shut!
When it comes to fixing prices
there are lots of tricks he knows
how it all increases
all them bits an pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!
Master of the house
quick to catch your eye
never wants a passerby to pass him by
servant to the poor
butler to the great
comforter, philosopher
and lifelong mate.
Everybody's boon companion
gives 'em everything he's got.
Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little lot!
I used to think
that I would meet a prince.
But God Almighty.
Have you seen what's happened since?
'Master of the House'?
Isn't worth me spit!
'Comforter, philosopher'
--and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain
regular Voltaire
thinks he's quite a lover
but there's not much there.
What a cruel trick of nature
landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
living with this bastard in the house!
Master of the House!
Master and a half!
Comforter, philosopher
Don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor
butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady
and inebriate!
Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!
Everybody raise a glass!
Raise it up the master's arse!
Everybody raise a glass to
the Master of the House